starting over

I don't have a beautiful life to tell. I don't have a beautiful family to boast of. But at least I have one, which I am grateful. I have experiences which convince me not to have a relationship, an intimate relationship with opposite sex. But I am fun of reading and listening to love stories of other people. Their ups and down, their problems and their solutions to it. I love being in-love however, I don't like being hurt. I hurt once and I don't like to experience it again. I have loved and feel like being loved, it happened way back 6 years ago. I was fragile and innocent back then and did not know how to distinguish the people who really love me from the people who are being just a 'not real people'. He was not that handsome, he was just funny, talented. Let's just say that he was not that 'dream-boy' type guy but I liked him. And I don't know why. He asked me once, what are his characteristic that I liked to him. First, I was speechless. I looked at him and browsed my brain for the answer. A couple of seconds and said 'I don't know'. There were two answers for it: one, I don't know what he's point on that; two, I don't really know the answer. I also asked my self the same question. And find nothing but blank. He told me, it is impossible to love somebody that doesn't looking on their physical appearance. It is being hypocrite. What I had told him back then was that, being in-love with somebody doesn't need to have reason, being in-love unreasonably and unconditionally. He did not say anything. No reaction. Totally blank. And that was our last conversation. Our LAST conversation. He did not called or texted me. He just vanished. So I don't have a choice but moved on. And it took me 3 years to have totally moved on. After a year, I had this relationship in university. He was great guy. I thought I find 'the one'. but the moment that I found out his past, which I know that was his past, my feelings for him just fade away. I don't know if his past made it fade away or the other guy, which I was fascinated of, made it. I broke with him after 3 months. I realized I broke with him because I was waiting for the 'other guy' to have move to me. Unfortunately, my mistake. He did not. And he will never be. 

What I was only wishing for back then was, I wished that I have a perfect relationship with a perfect man. Time passes and I realized that perfect is not the reality's thing. And I stop wishing for impossible.